The zoo

Today we went to the zoo with Aunt Sarah.  It happened to be scout day so there were some interesting things going on, plaster molding of tracks and such.  A little big for the kids but they liked it. The kids had a great time and I did too though I remained sad.  Luckily it was a rainy day so there were not a lot of other people there.   The kids got to see the elephants take a bath (sponge bath) and that was kind of neat.

We got to grandma and grandpa's house and played board games.  At one point everyone left the room and I  just started to cry.  Aunt Sarah came in to comfort me and got me to calm down.  I need to go back to work and yet I worry that even with the Lorazipam and Zoloft that I am not ready.  I know it is the next step but am I ready to take it?  My heart still feels like it is going to break though I'm not crying as much as I was.  I still have trouble looking in the mirror and seeing my skinny body - I still so badly want to be pregnant with my twins.

Tomorrow is the race.  I am a little worried about it in that I know there will be lots of people but it will be early and cold so maybe not so many children or babies.